There’s nothing so gay
as a stinking cafe
a club where the nightmights rally
There’s nothings so vicious
or costly pernicious
as the life we all lead in the ally
For birthdays and weddings
and airing our bettings
The home is no longer a boon
a private pleasure or vex
We now make public as sex
the salon of today's the saloon
it’s heaven to see you
Doesn’t she look awful? Get that eye
It’s black, he hit her, I knew it last night
He said he’d kick her teeth out if she got tight
Hello darling, I’m so glad you came by
Happy birthday, we’re singing to you!
Wretched old stew, he must be 102
Imagine admitting another year gone
stingy old boar trying to cheat for us long
nasty smelly bile man cheat jizzling
Why, thank you very much
It’s a happy birthday to...
The most hateful of all humanity are the ones who check their hats and their cars
May you break your back if you take your pack into restaurants, clubs, or bars
My wife has gone away (hooray!)
My wife has gone away to stay
I put her in the clink
I found a lovely body in an old forgotten trunk
Now Mother’s up the river
and Pappy’s on the junk
Four scotch high,
do with water
one no sugar daquirie
eight tom coblins
first non shepard drink for me
sweet brown swizzles
Okay, you waiters
speak like men!
I’m a bartender not a monkey!
Stop that chattering,
and give me the order again
(Drunk with love
my body aches)
Let me tell you while he’s singing that tired old urge
The new psychiatrist that I’m going to in the bleeker building says that I’ve got a primate urge
Yes, to sleep with monkeys, marmosets, anything with a big tail—
(Round, and round, because I've—)
I’ll have to go down to the Gargantuem before i get through, don’t you understand it’s my only way of escape!
My god, is he going to sing that thing forever?
Waiter, it’s coming on my again, send out quickly and get me an ape!
Destroying the pashlights
ailing, and whailing
Designs for divorces
served with all courses
and that guy with psychic forces
who destroys you with the horses
It’s frousy and lousy it’s true,
but I adore it, don’t you baby?
And I think I do 'cos maybe I really mean it
When I say "hello, darling"
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