She's my most intimate friend. And naturally, I shan’t say a word.
It doesn’t make a bit difference to me
what the papers have printed and what anyone’s heard.
'cos I like her.

Of course, I don’t entirely approve of her killing her husband,
but never-the-less, he was the logical person for her to kill.
And she did do it nicely, we all must confess.

She's never been mentally sound, you know.

As a child, she had a murderous trend
I was with her when her brother fell in the well
Of course I'd never admit it because she's my most intimate friend

Her mother was that sexy Amy Tiddlemouse
you remember we all found her rather queer.

And her father was a manic depressive, well, haven't you heard?
He's been in San Quentin for over a year!
So, she comes by it naturall.

She's such a pretty girl, too.
I thought it was disgusting of that physician to feel compelled to tell everyone in the court about her incurable poisonous ivy condition.

She had so many beaus, I think he did it for an ad.
A wretched trick to further his own end.
He got every man in town for a patient!

Of course, I knew it was true, she's my most intimate friend.
And, after all, I did try to efend her.
I said she was drunk when she shot him.
Why she'd be drinking like crazy for days? She was blind, it's miraculous that she got him.

She's what she is and of course she'll never mind. She's an intro ultra extrovert, but so what? She's my most intimate friend.

I know she's diseased, I know she's insane. I know she can only be appeased with a lash and champagne
I know Leslie fired for her actions with the girls and I know why she poisoned her mother: she wanted the pearls.

I know all about the battalion that she left too weak to walk and I know about the stallion, that was only talk.

I know they call her house the hutch and compare her to the rabbit
and I know exactly just how much black magic she does on the sabbath.
In fact, I know a lot of things I could tell if I would
but a gossip I never want end.
Wild horses couldn't drag one word from my mouth,
after all, she's my most intimate friend.

And dope.
Lord, she has stuck herself with that needle.
So many holes front and back,
if she had any inner radiance
she’d be a living tower of jewels.
It’s a shame for the tourists
that her soul is so black.
I like her and you can't get me to say one bad thing about her.