1. |
things to do
01:57
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2. |
love
03:11
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i look at two photographs of memories i feel like i've seen before. like i've made some sort of deal with some kind of higher power above the things i've seen...so, why is my breath short, and what does it all mean? to see these two photographs and feel like i'm there, though they're not of me or anyone who cares.
i wanna age thirty years older, disappear into this photograph. ask you to take a chance--so, dear, shall we dance?
you can take my head, but please give me some sort of theme to put on my stone when i am dead...or so it really seems that idealized versions of the future that don't involve the middle part of life i'm only living when i'd prefer to learn at least a little about the poor conversation i so blatantly confuse with secure indiscretion i don't know how to use.
you can take my head and roll it down the stream. i'll stop dreaming when i'm dead or so it really seems.
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3. |
wildflowers, wild thorn
00:45
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4. |
the library
03:03
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i went to the library today and i found out that i would have to pay for the amount of times i didn't return this one book.
the manager gave me a distant look and told me i should not do that again.
i said "i'm sorry" and proceeded to grab my things. i forget what he said next, but it kinda stung. he said "you should have gotten help instead of walking away". i agree, he's right, but it's much easier said than done.
because i went to the library today and i realized i couldn't run away from the things i thought i didn't have to see. if i close my eyes, the world is easier to deal with.
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5. |
skipping around
00:40
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6. |
SPECIAL
03:20
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beautiful brown eyes. you don't even try. early morning sky. you make me feel high.
you make me feel high. this must be what heaven feels like. or purgatory too, 'cos i will never talk to you.
and you will never talk to me. i'll never be yours to please.
it's not childish, but true, i think i love loving you.
i don't care if it's true, i think i love loving you.
i don't care if it's really true, i think i love loving you.
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7. |
summer voicemails
02:55
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april 30th.
aaron said he wants to think a lot, i told him i think i'd rather not.
may 3rd.
i felt tense and empty all afternoon. i guess i should try to stop smoking soon.
august 2nd.
watching the stars while laying on a field of grass, worried you would never touch my ass.
none of these memories are from the same time. they don't make much sense but they kinda rhyme. it's easier to pinpoint random memories and think i did something that day. it's much easier that way, to talk about the things i did on a day instead of the things i missed...and, in a way, i think that's okay. that's okay. i think that's okay.
present day.
when the sky clears and the stars align, i want you to know i really like the color of that red "exit" sign.
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8. |
listen
02:05
|
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mother, why did you lie and never tell me that some things don't get better with time or substance displacement through melancholic places?
i trip and i fall on the cool pavement, but it's nothing that's new to me--i'm as happy as i can be.
listen, i know i forgot you long ago but i'm remembering so i can ask you how hollow hearts can still beat without a pulsation and how the stars now seem closer than the pavement (a lonely but insecure sensation).
i scream and i make my skin tear, but i don't think i really care.
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9. |
a daisy
00:22
|
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10. |
jerry
01:06
|
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jerry, it rhymes with terry and he is scary in the library. jerry, he's a cutie and he works in the library.
jerry, do you know all my secrets? do they show on my sleeve or in my book? tell me the call number of your heart.
tell me the call number of your heart and maybe i'll know on which floor to start.
jerry, you're such a cutie, but you'll never touch me.
jerry in the library, he's such a cutie, but he doesn't know it. i wanna tell him.
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11. |
getting up, falling over
04:28
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12. |
happy birthday
02:17
|
|||
|
i'm sitting here and i am signing a lease, but there are details, like when the main frame of the house breaks down. and i can't complain when the roof falls off or the floor caves in. no, i won't have a chance to start again. it'll be in a constant state of renovation. but that's not an unknown factor to me...no, i know.
the landlord tells me that "i know it is pretty shoddy, but it's your birthday and it's kind of your body. i know the place is pretty shoddy, but it's really cheap and it's kind of your body."
i'm sitting here and i am signing a lease for the next year 'cos it's my birthday and the time is here. i'll walk on home with my contract but i have to be careful because if i break anything, i won't be a good tenant.
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13. |
||||
14. |
||||
15. |
bed
01:20
|
|||
|
nights like these i only look at the ceiling, but that can't my stop my head from reeling.
please don't feast your eyes, i feel like an antichrist.
beautiful body, yours makes me angry, but i can't tell if my arm is asleep. where i should have a soul, it feels like there is a hole.
know when i wake up i'll feel slightly different. my feelings they change from minute-to-minute.
i wanna feel like i'm in vermont, but i know i should probably not.
nights like these i only look at the ceiling, but that can't stop my head from reeling.
please don't feast your eyes, i feel like an antichrist.
|
||||
16. |
dreaming at the keyboard
04:11
|
|||
17. |
valentine's day
00:51
|
|||
|
valentine's day, valentine's cards get delivered every year by the bard. i pay for them every february.
but after she left it soon became clear that i'd order valentine's every day of the year. i see the bard every day. he says a poem that wards off dismay then goes off on his merry way.
valentine's day, valentine's cards keep me company when it is too late to figure out my life and procreate.
|
||||
18. |
a shell.
03:48
|
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19. |
blue, blue sky
00:32
|
|||
|
blue, blue sky,
and golden tree;
gentle breeze,
leaves swirling free.
bright, bright sun
and birdlings' cries;
glory-red patterns
dance on my closèd eyes.
|
||||
20. |
looking in the mirror
03:18
|
|||
|
who's that man walking down the stairs and what did i do?
and how is it my lovers are old enough to be my fathers? am i just desperate too?
i know i wasn't drinking, it is my songs that are drunk, can't you see that my actions speak louder than my words because my words speak uncontrollably?
i know the trees are blushing and it won't be so strange when the performers go home and change into something clearly appropriate.
i hope people will stop laughing at my music and titles when i get old and grow gray hair. i think that anything can sound like a joke when i'm young and you're standing all the way over there.
the homeless woman passes by every morning and says that i'm a disgrace to the name of art music, trying to put out my cigarette, but i tell her "no." and i tell her to please leave me alone.
i say "i know what i'm doing". and no matter what i say she just yells and takes off. and, as i take a deep sigh, i don't know who is right or wrong or if i'll ever be sure.
who's that man looking in the mirror and who did he just kiss? is the decades of age difference plentiful, or should he be worried just yet?
|
||||
21. |
||||
22. |
||||
23. |
||||
24. |
||||
|
now that you're tied, let me do my job.
|
||||
25. |
joy!
02:09
|
|||
|
hey, have you seen joy? i once saw it in my boy, but now he lives two blocks away.
that's all i really have to say. there's not a point left to be made.
i doubt he would have ever proposed, but now i'm fully composed.
i'm still having trouble finding joy. it once was in the eyes of my boy, and i can't seem to find anyone else who knows it too.
it's the trade-off between being blue and being you. although, i feel like the ultimate disposition is letting your emotions combat tradition.
hey, have you seen joy? i thought it once was a ploy, and it turns out that i was right.
the imminent ecstasy sent shivers like a symphony. and feelings are good, but not when i'm not feeling good.
but my bed is still my bed even though you're not in it, and my head is still my head even though you're seeing other people instead.
|
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♥ Drunk With Love Records ♥ hell, Michigan
Drunk With Love Records was a collective that existed from 2014-2021. It was a place for our music to exist, but now we have
other places to go. Thanks for all who listened to us.
drunkwithloverecords@gmail.com
... more
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