1. |
welcome to heaven
01:15
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welcome to heaven, i hope you'll be fine. you have everything that you've wanted. the rumors were right--they all wanted you to die, so be glad that you beat them to it.
so be glad you got what you wanted. you always get what you want. you're a saint, but only in your head.
welcome to heaven.
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2. |
no better
02:24
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i paint myself each morning with water to wash off the oils of the night. i pass by a park and i start to feel uneasy as i see the preacher paint the crowd with light.
what do you paint yourself with, dear? and what kind of brushes do you use? a distant dream in a distant orchard shows me that you don't have to choose.
i'm walking to the train from the subway still feelin' kind of dead. i think after all that's happened i should know better, but i'm not better yet.
i could say i'm a better man, but i know i'm no better, man, and i know no better man and i know no better man...but now i know better, man.
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3. |
where bluebirds fly
01:43
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it's so hard to move. i can't be sure, but i have to choose so i find the sky, look up to the place where bluebirds fly.
hiking up a mountain feeling short but standing tall. feeling grim.
boulders falling out of place i cannot help myself. walking up and falling over, air kisses my neck. the radio says "make the world go away", but i don't know. those old songs i listen to don't help me grow--i know.
hiking up a mountain feeling short but standing tall. feeling grim, holding my friend, not seeing at all.
it's so hard to move. i can't be sure, but i have to choose so i find the sky, look up to the place where bluebirds fly.
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4. |
inhaling pollen
00:45
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5. |
over the moon
01:41
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i'll be seeing you so soon, i wish i could jump over the moon! make an earlier plane, that's what i've gotta do. but i must be well aware this is how i felt one year ago.
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6. |
your light
02:35
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7. |
man overboard
01:51
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man overboard. man falling down. from his family, thrown away. he is confused. he lost it all, and so he starts to fall into my arms. i catch him with my arms, but i don't want to hold on--i don't think i care about him.
and so i let him fall. it's kind of sad, but it is not my sadness.
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8. |
a rose
01:32
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here's a rose, it's wrapped around my throat. the thorns cut in and blood flies out my window. here's a rose so now i know when you are going to go on a bus on a train, "meet me in st. louis" again and again.
i could never tell the truth, but you're into history and you are living proof. when you asked me what my favorite moment in history was, i was afraid to tell you i thought it was going to be that exact moment.
here's a rose, it's wrapped around my throat. now i know when you will go. i don't know where i was or where i am or where i'm going, but, dear, here's a rose.
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9. |
stems
01:33
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10. |
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i'll see you in my dreams, i'll see you in my dreams. even if you're on a train or a plane, i'll buy a ticket to follow you in my dream.
i overheard that you love to suck cock and that you love to love and never talk. overheard that you love to suck cock and that you love to love and never talk.
i'll see you in my dreams, i'll see you in my dreams. even if you're on a plane or a train, i'll buy a ticket to follow you in my dreams. i'll see you in my dreams.
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11. |
a dahlia
02:40
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12. |
||||
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i am here to help him, but he keeps forgetting to take me every day. it should not happen this way. the people who help him are angels, they give him me for free, but he always forgets to take me. why does it have to be me?
put me in somebody else's mouth if not his own. i am here to help him!
in the past i have hurt him, but now i'm here to help him! i am here to help him!
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13. |
hairy chest
01:28
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14. |
dream music
02:49
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15. |
a dark alley
01:33
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16. |
(white heat)
00:35
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i don't know what it's like to be dead,
so i'll keep all these lies in my heads.
fantasies are things better left unsaid.
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17. |
HALF FULL
01:47
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is it wrong to still say things that i don't mean? even though i'm older, i still don't know what i mean.
and i could go outside, but the only one i can't hide from is myself. i can't drown it with anything, so i must go away.
i can drive again, i'm feeling kinda glad 'cos last year i almost got arrested.
it's a childish fear, but it's stolen many years from me. my mind almost split across the sky, i still don't know why.
i'm afraid that when i'm older i'll be locked up before i even am able to fill half the cup. i'm afraid that when i'm older i'll be locked up before i am able to fill half the cup.
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18. |
fingers down my spine
01:25
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19. |
train thoughts
01:08
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my dog makes me feel bad because he's always sad. i want to hug him, but i know it's too late--he knows my name.
and my grandmother is so nice to me. that's the way that i want things to be. it's getting harder to accept that one day she'll have to leave her body.
my hands are feeling cold and it's starting to get pretty old that i can't get used to things changing even when they're falling and now my head is spinning, but i think i like the way that feels.
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20. |
||||
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oh, i'm not gonna take a risk tonight. no, i'm not gonna take a risk tonight. other nights i was fine with just closing my eyes and taking whatever was in front of me, but tonight--oh, tonight...i wanna just close my eyes and stay the night.
how many nights of waking up clueless and useless will it take for me to stay inside? i never used to go outside, but now i'm dreaming for a life only inside.
so, i'm not gonna take a risk tonight. no, i'm not gonna take a risk tonight. other nights i was fine with just closing my eyes and taking whatever was in front of me, but tonight i just wanna close my eyes and get in bed and stay the night.
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21. |
what i want to see
01:37
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when i was younger my brother told me that there was an offspring song that was about "the lord of the flies" and i did not believe him even though he showed me all of the parallels he thought he wanted to see.
just like the teachers i chose to ignore and write down on a paper so i would get a good score. because the world is open but its heart is black and people will get out whatever they don't want to take back.
just like when caio gave me one last poem he wrote for me, and i said "thank you so much, it means a lot". and then he said "i think you missed the point. try to read it again and you'll be better off then." oh.
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22. |
sick piece
08:45
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23. |
i won't fall in love
01:26
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i won't fall in love i think i'll just refuse to fall though my life has slowed to a painstakingly slow crawl carefully observing all the forsaken details like a train flying slowly off the rails so then a man can take a nail and nail it in a coffin before i stop coughin' the love out of my lungs.
but the story of the train is not as important as the story of the brain. the story of the brain that fell off the rails, truly a hero, truly a hero unsung. i won't fall in love. i think i'll just refuse to fall.
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24. |
heading home
01:42
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he says
"i know that i got to go, it's been fifteen years and it's starting to show...but, i can't leave town when everything is going well.
it's hard to leave a job when you're welcome there and it's hard to leave a house while there's still fresh air and a welcome mat to greet you home every day.
i like to think that i'm going away and that i'm preparing to leave every day because each day i buy some seeds for my garden and i buy some paint cartons for my house but i never use them, but don't have doubts that one day i'll use them when i move away."
he says
"i know that i got to go, it's been fifteen years and it's starting to show, so i'm building up my perfect home in my head.
i don't know where that home will be, home is something that comes naturally. is it where you die or where you're born or where your heart is ripped and torn?"
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25. |
gay angel
02:28
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translucent dreams where nothing does go wrong and then i stuff those feelings in another fucking song. but, still i don't know what it is i'm really feeling. the floor is concrete and i think my head is reeling.
i'm waiting for another try at saying that i'll go so maybe one day you'll pretend you really know the difference between your home and a mortuary. the comparison isn't flattering, it's scary.
and so i'll know that days are often short and it's my job to make them feel as long as i can trust myself with (in order to be strong). let's see if i can really last that long.
i'll grow a pair of gorgeous wings and clean my lungs so i can start to sing.
you'll see me up there someday and after all we've been through i don't think i can ever say "i'm glad we had this talk, so let's go back to our lives and learn to walk."
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♥ Drunk With Love Records ♥ hell, Michigan
Drunk With Love Records was a collective that existed from 2014-2021. It was a place for our music to exist, but now we have
other places to go. Thanks for all who listened to us.
drunkwithloverecords@gmail.com
... more
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